Dear People Whom God Loves,
I see loving oneself and self-esteem as being different.
I understand self-esteem to mean that we value ourselves because of the talents that we have, the things that we do well, and what we have accomplished. I think that it is valuable to be praised when we do things well when we are young, and that it is valuable even after we are older. I don’t think that we should lose praising others or being praised ourselves.
What we easily miss, however, is the shadow side of such praises. Notice that we are being valued for what we do and not for who we are. I recognize that the things we accomplish and the way we live influences who we are. It is a part of our growth as a person. Still, who we are is deeper than the self that others see and that we ourselves usually see.
The deepest self is present when we are infants. This self is the image of God. It always remains whether we grow into a person that looks very good or looks very bad. When we don’t see (and who of us does) that when we grow into a “good” person, we will likely become self-righteous and think of ourselves as superior to others who are not so “good.” When we grow into a “bad” person, we will likely see ourselves as a miserable mess.
In either case, we will usually hurt people. Interestingly, these things can get mixed up and we may take pride in our being “good” or in our being “bad.”
Without loving ourselves, the shadow side of self-esteem is that we learn to love, not ourselves, but what we do.
More next time.
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